Suddenly to tell your story a story about a cruel and a tarantula.
Because one day there was a cruel setting at the site of a lake and he was picking up some grubs going
about his daily routine when a tarantula crawled up to him and he said to him surprisingly said Mr.
cruel Mr. cruel Would you please do me a good turn.
I'm really looking for how it is that I can make my way across to the other side of the lake.
Only problem is my little legs are really quite small.
It would take me around about six weeks to get round there.
I'm wondering if you'd be willing to let me hop in your back and give me a fly across to the other side
of the lake.
I'd be forever grateful.
Well Mr. cruel was obviously quite hesitant.
He said Well listen Mr. tarantula please just stay where you're at.
Am I.
I'm fully aware that tarantulas have a bit of a track record and the tendency of biting crows initiate
or want to be injected with your venom.
Why.
Because I've got a wife and kids at home and I want to get back and see them tonight.
So after a bit more conversing Mr. tarantula had ended up convincing Mr. Crook to give him flight across
the lake and others were running about halfway across and they were just chatting away.
Absolutely fine.
Mr. Crow thought he'd find himself a brand new friend.
We felt these two fangs plunge into the back of his neck.
And that was that the next thing he felt his body seizing up as the venom flowed through his his body.
And he said Mr. tarantula Mr. tarantula why we had done this to me.
Why have you done this to us.
Because my body's seizure blow I know that I'm doing for death.
We're headed for the water we're both going to drown.
Why have you had done this and Mr. tarantula said.
Because I am a tarantula.
And that's what tarantulas do we bite crows.
How would you feel about that little story my friends.
It's a story off the identity crisis in life as human beings we have a tendency of acting.
I offer cartoons with who we believe that we are.
Remember I were identity in life for many people is going to be simple perception.
How we see things isn't always how things are.
By now I'm hoping you're really appreciating that we are all on this journey as growing and self awareness
and growing in management.
But many people who haven't started stunned at risk of finding themselves in this place of absolute
crisis.
Stuck at a crossroads in life they don't know where to go next.
Perhaps spent anything up to a lifetime looking for validation from their efforts from other people.
Perhaps people please in saying yes to things they don't really want to say yes to and say no to things
that they actually want to say yes to.
When we do not know who we are it leads us to make some some seriously unwise decisions.
So what I want to do in this video was give you a little bit of context.
All right I want to share with you my life story.
Why.
Because I've said so many times throughout the course know that in order to lead in court to the people
in life or we ever need to be is a few steps ahead.
So I want to share with you some of the steps that I have taken on my journey as I've grown in self
awareness.
I'm hoping that you're able to relate.
No I want to bring a few ideas into the mix here.
All right.
Because we are all assigning meaning meanings onto things all of the time especially our past events.
The meaning of life is what we make our life's events mean for us here today.
We're all kind of living in this place of kind of a cognitive Time Travel aren't we might come back
and revisit this idea later on in the course.
And if you think about it yeah we're all living life here in the present and the here and now but in
all what we do today in the present and how we are today in the present is often influenced or a result
of the stories that we've told ourselves about the experiences that we've had in the past.
As we look forward to the future we'll be looking forward to the future in eager anticipation or an
angst or in fear or in panic or in stress or something like that.
But that's always going to be determined by the expectations that we have of what we are going to find
an experience many people assume that the past equals the future.
And by this what I mean is that the experiences that they've had in the past they are going to get more
off in the future.
Well this doesn't need to be the case whatsoever because we all have the capacity of making new choices
today.
But I've got this image on the board right now.
All right.
To hopefully accurately represent our lives is kind of like the timeline of life isn't it.
We all have a star point over here represented by the stork and the little baby that was used some day
and then we all have a present which is right here right now.
Which is where you're watching this video is where I'm standing and we all have a point in the future
represented by this tombstone.
That's right we're all going to crooked some day.
That is the only thing that we can count on in life that we're each going to die.
So it's kind of like we all have a starting point.
We all have an end.
We've all got this little dash little this little space in between and what we do with the space in
between is going to be entirely up to us.
What we do in the space between is going to be pretty much influenced by how we've interpreted our past
life events whether we are moving forward into the future with confidence and boldness or whether we
are tiptoeing into the future in a place of fear and angst and apprehension and doubt.
So I want to share with you my story.
All right.
What led me to what led me to where I'm at in life today.
Right how I have interpreted my life's events and the stories that I've told myself.
You know we all have an earliest memory and life don't we.
We would and some helping disciplines refer to these hours as anchors or write memories in the past
that perhaps had some sort of higher level of emotion attached to them.
Generally the happiest days of our life sometimes the saddest days of our life or the most exciting
days of our life are the most intimidating and fearful days of our life sometimes days where we have
experienced much loss or much gain or something like this.
No I can't really remember too much in life beyond the age of four and about five or six.
No no there's some people claim to have memories of you know being in the womb and all that kind of
stuff.
I'm not saying that doesn't happen.
I'm just saying that I've never had it so I wouldn't vote for it either way am I right about I about
five years old.
All right.
I had this experience
like magic isn't it so wrong random move five years old.
The hardest experience and I don't even know how accurate this experience was.
But I can remember the talk the story that I told myself about this experience.
He had gone through my whole life really struggling with low confidence low self-esteem.
I'd really struggle to place any sense of value on the self.
Now we're about the age of 16 I join the military.
Remember that story I told you earlier on that guy who fell into the hole.
Guess what.
That guy was me surprised.
I was talking about myself here because I was speaking metaphorically as a pretty good chance that you
were relating the story to yourself.
So when we reach this stage of life where we realize that life can't be about us anymore we can come
to this realization that there's nothing really much else that we can do with our lives apart from give
make a positive impact in other people.
But for you especially in the early stages sometimes the first 10 20 or so years most of us get trapped
in our own little worlds our own little bubbles and this is very much where I was so and gone back even
10 years ago I could boldly define myself back then as being the most selfish and self consumed man
in the world.
Why.
Because I was the victim in all life had really dealt Mia a bad hand and daddy dropped me on my head
and all that kind of stuff and I actually started around about here.
The earliest childhood memory that I have is actually walking into my dad's moment does bedroom back
when I was about 5 or 6 years old and I can't remember exactly what age or what they are and then like
this is just more like a more like a picture that I have in my mind and I can remember being quite a
high energy child.
If you think I'm quite high energy today just imagine what it was like back then when I wasn't self
regulating and that's right.
So I can only imagine I was jumping up and up and down bouncing around.
Dad Dad get out of bed and take me to the park do something like this.
I mentioned earlier on that my is to work away from home a lot.
I would I wouldn't see him sometimes for weeks on end.
So the times that he would come home and I wanted to spend time with him because he was my dad.
But unfortunately what my dad's priority was was when he would come home he would spend time catching
up on his sleep.
Sweet sometimes spend an entire weekend in bed before going back away to work again on a Monday so I
would try desperately to get what attention I could from him and often to no avail.
But on this one occasion as I was both slipping down dad dad take me to the park.
He just rolled over and farted and left it all.
He thought I was funny.
No.
You know.
You know in life when we when we when we don't like things right.
It's not like we just all have an automatic dislike for things.
It's like our tastes change and evolve over time.
So if we don't like something or if we experience something as being negative or hurtful it's only because
we're releasing it to us the same or similar kind of experience or event that we've had at some point
in the past.
Right.
So all of our memories have to start somewhere.
All of our fears and insecurities and self doubts have to start somewhere.
All right.
And this is kind of forum hopefully helping you to to see here this experience drooled over farted.
He thought that was funny.
I was confused.
What did this mean.
I've never experienced rejection on this level ever before.
So what I've done was carried on Dad Dad get out of bed take me to the park.
I want to go please.
I want to go play football or something like this.
They ruled over got angry said Kane.
Get out of here.
Leave me alone.
Know that some people may refer to as rejection.
But how is it that we would know what rejection is.
If we'd never experienced rejection before.
All right.
It's kind of like the first time we ever experience something new in life.
We don't know what it is unless we have something to compare it to.
So all new events new experiences we kind of struggle to make sense of.
We're looking to relate and give meaning to as we look desperately to try and relate unexperienced to
something else we've previously heard because we're meaning making machines.
Here's the thing.
All right.
I couldn't assign any meaning onto the first experience of Madonna drooling over and breaking wind.
The second time round I couldn't really assign any meaning on to this experience.
Methodical and overseen Caine get out of here.
Leave me alone.
I don't want you pestering me right now.
All right.
Because I didn't see myself as being worthless or as a nuisance back then because it was five or six
years old I'm just figuring life I would trying to work out who I am and this big bad world.
But then a couple years later I go to school and a half of this childhood sweetheart called Sandra Sandra
and Sandra Lange.
And she was a little Chinese girl when our mom and dad owned a local Chinese takeaway and I just happen
to like Chinese takeaways and I can remember.
I used to wash my dad's mother's car sometimes on weekends for pocket money so I had some pocket money
in one week I decided I was going to sacrifice my earnings to part Chase Sandra Nang a Valentine's Day
card on a Mars bar.
I know what you think and Caine your true romantic.
Well this was it.
All right.
So I ended up going down to the local shop bought a Mars bar wrapped it up pullover Lebanon wrote it
a Valentine's Day card.
Roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you.
I know I was a poet as well and I got down on one knee and I said to Sandra Sandra I think I fancy you.
Will you be my Valentine.
And you know we just said now you stink.
Denied.
Here we go.
That was me absolutely devastated.
But guess what I had here.
All right.
I'm actually starting to connect the dots all right because guess what.
I wanted to spend some time with Dad.
Dad said no.
He rolled over and I kept asking him.
He said no again he told me to get out.
No I'm asking sun burning if you'll be my Valentine.
And she said no way who is a I don't want nothing to do with you Mr. Chicken Legs.
So then I go through school and because Daddy wouldn't take me to the park to play football or ice and
I wasn't particularly good at sports.
Growing up to be honest with you.
Guess who the last person was to ever get picked for the school football team.
That's right.
It was me I'd see in school and when you're going through school if you are not good at football you're
just not one of the cool kids.
So guess who wasn't part of the cool club.
That's right.
Me as well.
Another rejection another rejection and here's the thing.
When we experience something once could be a random event where none the wiser to it when something
happens to us twice.
Well this might be a coincidence.
We're just doing.
No we're still working things out.
But when something happens to us three times I E we've been rejected three times.
Well our mind starts working and going in overdrive them start assigning meanings on to things and I've
been rejected here.
I've been rejected here.
That must mean that I'm not good enough because no the guys are telling me that I'm not good enough
to be part of a football team which means that all those other people must see me as not being good
enough as well which must therefore mean that I'm not good enough which must therefore mean that I can't
just be myself because who I am at the core isn't good enough.
I must try to be someone else.
My goodness.
So then I go through school and I've got a certain way of retaining information and I get called dyslexic
and I get put in one of the dumb kids groups.
Could you believe it and getting the call me name some of these other boys and girls because kids can
be so cruel.
They call me sticky and they call me stupid and call me Dumbo and stuff like that and I genuinely believe
that that I'm limited in my ability to learn and solve problems and guess what happens to my confidence.
Absolutely.
My confidence gets absolutely crushed.
Why.
Because I have drawn my identity from the responses that I've heard from other people in my past.
So here I'm no I'm the question myself Who am I.
Because Dad does want to spend time with me and Sandra Lin doesn't want to be my Valentine and the guys
don't want me on the football team and here no fail in my exams I'm getting put in the dumb kids group
and then I go to join the army I just want to get away from this world that I've come to know and experience.
And guess what happens I fail my first military entrance test.
My goodness I'm absolutely devastated.
And through all of these things all of these things up until the age of four and about 20 years old
I was drawing my identity who I believed I was and I must say I was drawn my true identity because we
cannot draw our identity from things our identity is a constant but because no one ever sat me down
and said Cain this is exactly who you are right.
I was none the wiser and as I suggested a few videos back us growing and self awareness is kind of like
a lifetime process.
Back then I just didn't know any better.
So I assumed that the way in which I saw myself was true I believed back then that my perception was
a reality and here was my identity crisis was born.
So I end up getting into the army cutting the long story short.
Why.
Because I saw the army as being something significant that I could do with my life.
No.
Answer me this question friend.
Why would anyone feel the need to desperately do something significant with their life if they were
grounded and confident and secure within themselves.
I'm guessing the only time we ever feel the need to do something significant with our life is if we
don't fundamentally feel that particularly significant.
Well this was me.
This was pretty much my life story so you can probably understand much of which I've shared through
the course up until now even in the early stages of me getting into coaching and helping people.
I was come in coaching people from a place of need and I actually needed to make a difference in other
people so that I fundamentally felt significant this need to feel significant.
Kindness became kind of like a ghost of my past that kept on biting me in the present and what I'm going
to suggest is that we'll all have one I never felt like I was enough as a human being.
I lived in this place of identity crisis so when I look forward to my future all right.
If you'd asked me back when I was 20 or 25 years old Kane Ramsey would you be standing in front you
know one hundreds of thousands of people around the world teaching them and answering questions and
training people how to coach and life.
I would have said no.
Why.
Because I can't learn because I'm thick I'm stupid I'm dumb I'm not smart I'm not even a particularly
good communicator
but then through the process of growing and self-awareness I grew to realize and make peace with the
fact and accept myself and accept my imperfections all that kind of stuff.
Here's the thing.
All right.
If we are not growing in awareness if we are not growing and self knowledge in the facts of who we are.
We're gonna stand at risk of forever being ensnared to our pasts.
The assumptions that we've made about ourselves it's important that you understand this.
I've shared with you this story about me so that hopefully you can relate on some level because you're
gonna have a past as well.
You've come from somewhere and the meanings that you've assigned and all you mean past life events will
have influence and impacted where you are in life today.
If I was to ask you right now who are you.
Remember that question I asked in the last section of the course.
Take away all of your stuff take away all of your worldly possessions take away your role.
You're not a mom you're not a dad you're not a son you're not a daughter you're you're not a brother
or a sister or a friend or a boss or a manager or an employee or a leader.
Take away all your successes take away all your failures take away all your wins or your losses take
away everything that you've done everything that you're good at.
What's left.
Who are you.
How do you respond to this question.
All right.
Because how we respond to this question will ultimately determine how confident we are stepping boldly
into our future and being who we are.
It's only when we've made peace off who we actually are and we've embraced our self-worth the value
that we have to offer that we're going to start extending this value to other people and ultimately
start making a difference.
But this is just a story of identity crisis.
Nine times out of ten people will act though accordance with who they believe they are.
All right.
I shared with you a couple of examples throughout the course so far and criminals people who've come
through the prison service who keep on reoffending.
Why is it sometimes that addicts keep on going back to those things that they claim to be addicted to.
Why is it the workaholics keep on working.
Why is it sex aholic.
Keep on having sex.
Why is it that people who define themselves as being obese keep on going back to that cookie jar.
All right.
Why.
Because we commit to being that which we identify with.
All right let's come back to the story of Mr. cruel and Mr. tarantula.
If you found that little story entertaining.
Guess what.
Granted we may have been a certain way for anything up to an entire lifetime but who we decide to be
from this day moving forward is our choice and this choice is going to become far more apparent to us.
The more that we grow in self awareness and the fact that we actually even have a choice here with me
as this.
All right so in the next video.
No I'm going to go back to having a conversation with Karen and remember no ice sanction we had that
conversation asking Karen to reflect the bow and give a generalized story of her past and then also
offer present and also for future so current is no aware of those three aspects of our life.
Know what I'm going to do.
We're going to focus in on Karen's story on the actual steps that she's taken to get from where she
was in the past to where she currently is today in the present.
We're going to see if we can start whittling down and defining or establishing how it is that Karen
actually defines herself.
Write the truth about who Karen believes that she is because how Karen currently defines herself is
going to ultimately determine how boldly and confidently she steps out of the comfort zone and into
those things.
Those rules that she ultimately wants to fulfill moving forward.
Are you intrigued.
You should be.
I look forward to seeing you again in the next clip.